Limped my way through a CPSA match

I'll get to the meaning of the title in a moment but I would like to start at the beginning. Saturday night I had a center on a CPSA match. That alone gets me nervous. Now add the fact these are the top two teams where I have a history with one of them (not the best kind), who can be very volatile and add the fact that I have one AR I can't completely trust, well let's just say my wife told me, "Honey, I love you but I wouldn't want to be ya."

So the game was at Shorty Garcia (I nickname it Shorty McShort Short). My 2nd time there but the first time I actual got to referee the match. Very nice field, but to me, it seemed rather small in length. It was easy to keep up with play and trust me that was another challenge. You see I am currently nursing a calf injury. 600mg of Motrin 4 hours prior to the game and then just before the game and I was doing fine.

My plan prior to the game. Show up an hour prior (I never understand the referees who show up less then 30 minutes). Pray that the "kid" scheduled to be AR2 shows up before AR1. Then use every legit excuse in the book to put AR2 to AR1 and AR1 to AR2. Why you ask? Because I had a heads up from the big man who assigns my games that he was confrontational in a previous game and to keep an eye on him (though I wonder what he was doing assigned to this match to begin with). Shows up with stripped socks after I took a leap of faith when the 30 minute mark hit to put on logos. I asked him if he had logos, he said no and "What is the big fucking deal?"

I explained to him we have to look alike. So I take off my logos to put on stripes. Then he starts swearing regarding my switch. Nothing makes him happy.

Well as it turns out AR1 shows up slightly less then 30 minutes prior. Dammit to hell! AR2 shows up just when we were about to check in the teams. He informs me he was in a car accident and is shook up and didn't want AR1. I had two evils and decided against my best judgement to leave things as it was. AR1 decides to be proactive and check in the other team and I sent AR2 to make sure AR1 stays out of trouble.

So I hit the opening whistle and Red seemed to be in rare form as the fouls happened. Green was playing good ball, but was getting hacked quite a bit. Then the cards come out flying. Their captain told me to "be fair". I got annoyed with that comment and I looked him right in the eye and said, "You calling me a cheat? No, really, are you calling me a cheat?" He didn't want anything more to do with me at that point. The fouls were 75% Red and 25% Green as a rough estimate. I was able to keep up with play until they decided long ball was cool play. Fortunately it didn't happen all the time, but the field was short enough that it was a punt, to the forward who tries to score.

So how was AR1? He didn't bury me completely but he started to make a spectacle of himself. He called me over because defense was giving him a hard time and was swearing at him, but didn't give me specific numbers. He kept repeating like an insulted drunk and finally I said, "I got it." twice. I went to the Green and said, "Please don't swear at my AR1."
One Green defender said, "We weren't"
I said, "I'm not saying you did, I'm not saying you didn't, just don't do it."
He smiled and said, "Fair enough."

At half time the assistant coach came up and demanded I deal with the spectators. Now it could be the stress of the importance of this game, in combo with a rogue AR1, and the pain in my calf nagging a bit, I didn't take to kind to his way of asking. I called him on his rudeness and I said, it's a fair request, but ask me, don't demand me. Him being the ass said, let me remind you we pay you guys. My response to that was, "Let's go earn our money then." My friend Jesse told me it would have been a great opportunity to ask for a raise.

So I went to the Red coach first and asked him to move his spectators to the other side. He took this as a good time to tell me what I am missing and how much I suck. I said, "Fine but my request still stands and I will not start the half until you comply." I went to the Green head coach and made the same request. Now mind you the green coach called me an idiot when I may have missed a foul (he may have been right about the missed foul to be honest with you and myself). He told me who is staff was and asked if he can keep his daughter with him. I said no problem as I'm a dad and would be reluctant as well. I said help me out and I'll ignore the idiot remark. He rolled his head like he realized he was caught and shook my hand and said, "Fair enough."

Unfortunately they were slow on the compliance so I looked at a few shivering players on either side and said, "Hmmmmmmm." I went to one of the players and said, "Feels like hell froze over, huh?"
He said, "Yeah, can we get this game started?"
I said sure, "As soon as your spectators move to the other side." Players couldn't help me any faster then that.

The second half was much like the first, but Green managed to earn 3 bookings to almost catch up with Red. Red still thought I was unfair. By all rights I could have sent a couple of them home for all the dissent they gave me (at least 3 had a card already). But I managed to finish and nobody was sent home prematurely.